The Bad Guy

This post is a follow-up message from Pastor Ben's sermon entitled "Spirit-Filled Kids". [Watch video]

“Why do I have to be the bad guy all of the time?” I have heard that phrase so many times in counseling sessions and even in my own home. It is usually said because one parent tends to be more lenient, forcing the other parent to have to be more strict. Nobody likes being the “bad guy". Many times children make both parents feel like the “bad guy”. It is very discouraging to end the day feeling like the “NO” monster, standing in the way of all of the fun that your kids want to have.

Raising children can be very draining. They have more time and more energy than us and will wear us down day after day. But before you give up and throw in the towel, remember that we are not called to be our kids’ best friend. We are called to be their parent. That doesn’t make us the bad guy.

In fact, when we parent our children, we bear the image of our heavenly Father. He doesn’t give us what we want, but he does give us what we need. He says “no” to us more often than we would like because saying “yes” to our often selfish desires is not what’s best for us. God can see things in a way that we can’t see them and he leads us to what is best for us. That is what we are called to do as parents, to lead our kids to what is best for them because they, more likely than not, won’t choose it on their own. That means we have to do difficult things like saying “no” and disciplining bad behavior. No, it isn’t fun. We don’t like it any more than God likes having to discipline us. But we do it for the same reason that God the Father disciplines us. Because He loves us.

There is another reason that we need to lead and discipline our children; because that is how they learn obedience. As parents we are the first and most important authority that our children learn to obey. We must teach them obedience so that they learn to obey other authorities in the future such as teachers, bosses, police officers, and, ultimately and most importantly, God.

Scripture says it this way in Hebrews 12:6-11, “ ‘For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.’ It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Parents, let me encourage you that you are not “the bad guy” when you are teaching your kids obedience. You are very much the “good guy” just like God the Father who disciplines us. Don’t give up, don’t loose heart; your faithful effort in training your children will be rewarded when they learn obedience to you, but ultimately to God.

And, may I say to the lenient parents like myself, stop making your spouse do all the work. You have a calling as a parent to teach your children obedience. Yes, I know how gratifying it is to be the fun parent. I know you are busy and don’t have a lot of time to spend training your children. However, this time is too short, your children are too important, and your calling is too great to make excuses and leave the work to your spouse. Come together, focus on the call… these children will be grown before you know it. It is hard, but it is worth it!