Many years ago I had to confront my boss. I agonized over it because I had no experience confronting a brother in Christ. But this involved my family, and I knew I had to talk to him. So I prayed.

I was a full-time seminary student working two jobs. Neither job provided much money, and we always lived on the edge, with no margin whatsoever. We had a new baby, and my jobs were the only source of income. One of my jobs was cleaning swimming pools. I would get up before dawn and drive on a route to clean several pools, return home, clean up, and go to class. In the afternoon, I was back on my route to clean my remaining pools for the day.

My boss was another seminary student and upperclassman who started his pool-cleaning business employing fellow students. I was grateful for the job, but there was one problem: he consistently paid me several days after the official payday. For anyone living paycheck to paycheck, this is disastrous. We had bills due, we needed groceries, and my car needed gas for traveling to clean the pools. We literally had no savings or money in the checking account by the end of a pay period.

So I prayed, "Lord, how do I confront my brother in Christ, who is clearly wrong?"

We all have difficult people in our lives. These are the ones who make life hard. They may be contrary, unforgiving, angry, unpredictable, lazy, critical, ________—you fill in the blank. The real difficulty is that sometimes these people are brothers or sisters in Christ, and their behavior is sinful. When we are treated poorly by those who don't know Christ, generally our response is that of our Lord: "and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously" (1 Peter 2:23). That's another matter altogether. But how do we deal with a brother or sister?

Remarkably, the Apostle Paul ends his letter to the Corinthian church with the tenderness of deep affection.

The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you. 

My love be with you all in Christ Jesus. Amen.

This is for a group of Christians who have displayed all manner of ungodly behavior to him and one another. So much so that the idea of being Corinthian meant to be licentious and shamelessly immoral. That would be true of the city, but the apostle was appalled that it was true of them, as well.

Therefore, he methodically addressed each instance and each grievance he had with the church to correct them and point them back to the glory of God. At the end of the long letter, where he has spoken directly and forthrightly in confrontation, Paul asserts and expresses his love to all. Just as he wished the Lord's grace to be abundantly supplied to all of them, so did he want all of them to know that he loved them.

What can we learn from Paul's example? How are we to confront a brother or sister in Christ? How do we approach people and confront them with sin without being judgmental? Here are some things to include:

• Be Humble. Remember the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 4:11, "Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God." We must never forget from whence we came. We have nothing over another Christian. God's grace is equally applied to us all.

• Look to your own sin. Galatians 6:1 reads, "Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted." We each have our own proclivities to sin. No one is the same. But there is a specific temptation toward sin when we confront others. The admonishment here is to beware of the opportunities for your own sin. Be spiritual, remembering the goal is gentle restoration.

• Avoid Hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is being guilty of the very thing with which you are charging others. Jesus was very clear on this. "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:4-5). Use discretion. It might not be wise to talk to others about your fellow Christian’s sin issues—thus creating a deeper problem. You don't have to be guilty of the exact sin of which you are confronting another. If you are generally living with unconfessed sin, engaging someone else for their sin is hypocritical.

• Apply the grace God has given you. The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you. We love God's grace, and we speak of it often. For when we fail and confess that to God, we are grateful that He does not reject us but continually accepts us by His grace. But we often turn the standard of perfection on others: "Be ye therefore perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect." Therefore, show grace as God has been gracious to you.

• Apply God's love for you to others. Love is generally optimistic and positive, for it "does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (1 Cor 13:6-7). That does not mean that love is a pushover or naive. It's possible that even in the process of confronting and restoring that, you might be taken advantage of. Never take depravity for granted.

In the end, the results are always with God. But when we confront others in God's way, we will more likely see the results we hope for. God honors obedience.

How did I confront my boss? I prayed. I asked God to show me my own sin. I had to repent of my own anger. I needed to make sure that I had all the facts straight. Was it possible that I neglected something? Did I provide him with all the necessary paperwork in a timely manner? Did I communicate with him clearly? Is it possible I misunderstood? 

Once I had prayed and was sure I needed to talk to him, I made an appointment to meet face-to-face. It is important that we are able to look a brother or sister in the eye and talk to them with love and grace. 

It went well. I did not confront in anger, but humbly described to him how essential it was that I be paid on time. He fully understood and was apologetic. But I learned something about him, as well. He, too, was struggling to juggle family, seminary, work, and ministry. We were imperfect brothers in Christ trying to do the best we could under the circumstances. I had to show Him grace.

Grace and love. The first letter to the Corinthians ends this way, giving us the perfect template for how to handle difficulties with fellow Christians.