Patience, as they say, is a virtue. It is a virtue that is spoken of often. The typical tropes of evangelicals are, "Lord, give me patience, and give it to me now." And, "Please be patient with me; God isn't finished with me yet." This bumper sticker theology illustrates how patience strikes a particular chord with individuals. The chord struck is that patience is a virtue that eludes us all.
Why is that? Why is patience so difficult? Perhaps the answer is as simple as the fact that we live in a fallen world. Things don't go the way we want them to go. People are not the way we want them to be. Our expectations of life, circumstances, things, and people never conform to reality. When we get up in the morning anticipating a quiet morning with a cup of coffee, only to find a broken coffee maker, our expectation is destroyed, and our patience is tried. When our expectation is that our perfect, obedient, compliant child will get glowing reports from his teacher, only to get a call in the afternoon—"Mrs. … we need you to meet us at the principal's office regarding the behavior of your darling son"—our expectation is wrecked, and our patience is tried.
Yes, things are not as they seem, nor are people, nor are most circumstances. It seems we live in a fallen world. We know this. That is our expectation, yet we regularly succumb to impatience.
In pre-marital counseling, one of my primary goals is to help couples examine their unrealistic expectations of love and marriage. Many are naive in thinking they've found the perfect mate, they will live happily ever after, and that they, of all couples, have a unique love that will never waiver.
So my goal is to prepare couples for what life is really like: To have realistic expectations about marriage, themselves, and their spouse. This entails finding the areas of life in which they will struggle, where their love and patience will be tested, so they will be well-prepared for those struggles when they arise—for arise they will.
But at the same time, I want to raise the expectations of the true blessings of marriage when properly understood in light of Scripture and the resources God has given for godly lives and marriages. Having realistic expectations that love and patience will be tested is necessary for a fulfilled life.
But one doesn't have to be married to have unrealistic expectations about life. The thing is, we almost always have unrealistic expectations. As many times as the rug is pulled out from under us (and we fall for it every time), one would think we would learn to manage our expectations. The job was much different than I thought it would be. College did not meet my expectations. Saving for retirement was not what I expected. Childbirth/child-rearing/child discipline were all different and more complex than I ever anticipated. Work, health, church, people, and politics are all so frustrating!
But all this is for your sanctification as you grow in the virtue of patience. If all your prayers were answered, you wouldn't need patience. If everyone around you was amazing, and they thought you were amazing, you wouldn't need patience. You wouldn't need patience if you always had enough money and everything you did was successful. But the reality is you probably won't always have enough money, and you will not always succeed. Therefore, you need patience.
Patience can only be learned and grown in the laboratory of life. It must be tested, tried, poked, and stretched; otherwise, it will never be developed. So be patient, for indeed, we are all a work in progress. Be patient with others, knowing God is growing them too. Be patient, knowing that all the resources of Heaven are at your disposal to love others with patience, for you have been given "all things pertaining to life and godliness."
Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord,
implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called,
with all humility and gentleness, with patience,
showing tolerance for one another in love,
being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:1-3